awakening.

Little Blessings:

Running, unknown trails, homemade smoothies, girls’ nights, great conversation, scary movies. 

Not An Ordinary Summer.

It seems like most people long to spend their summers being carefree, laughing with friends, being kissed by the sun, etc. This summer i’ve decided to be dedicated to catching up with school, saving money, becoming healthier, and growing closer to God. Sure, I would love to just let all of the days mush together and not have any sense of time or worry in my mind. But i’ve dedicated this summer to working on myself and preparing myself for my junior year of college. I recently made the decision to change my minor to spanish and even though I took two years of spanish in high school there was no way I would be prepared to take intermediate spanish in the fall. Thus, I am taking eight credits  worth of spanish classes this summer and plan on soaking up as much as I can. My days have turned into a routine over the past month: wake up, spanish class, work out, go to work, go to bed, repeat. I’m trying to work as much as possible this summer and save the money I make to pay for my apartment when I travel back down to the little town of Charleston. As much as I cannot wait to live with my three roommates and not be a resident assistant anymore, I am a little nervous that i’m not going to be stable money-wise. I want to save up enough to be comfortable, have spending money, and be able to pay for utilities. As for becoming healthy…well, it’s been a little bit of a rocky start. I run when I can and eat healthy. Temptation is at its largest when i’m at work, considering that I work in an ice cream shop. But my will power has grown and my dedication to run and lose weight is strong. God has been a part of all of my aspirations this summer. He has given me the strength to be energized in the mornings for class, the mindset of wanting to save my money instead of spending it, and the strength to finish my runs and to make healthy decisions. The summer has just begun, but I know that come August I will be right where I want to be. 

What I chase won’t set me free.

I Want To Know You.

By Ryan O’Connell 

I want to know you. You seem like someone worth knowing. Every day I feel like I’m surrounded by people with hard edges and sour faces but I get the sense that you’re different. Too often people seem to think that they have the answers to everything. Their faces are trapped in permascowls and they can’t be bothered with anything besides their own narcissism. You aren’t like that. You still ask questions. You’re still looking for the answers.

People with kind hearts make me feel dirty. Like I need to give my personality a bath or something. Rub it clean of my neuroses and judgments. But that’s a good thing. When someone inspires you to take a long hard look at yourself and question all of your bad habits, they’re someone worth keeping around. It’s all about finding that person who’s able to hold up a mirror to your life and cause you to reevaluate the noise. It’s all about wanting to be a better man.

I know you’ll surprise me. I know you’ll take a right turn when I’m convinced you’ll take a left. All of this may seem arbitrary (why does it even matter if you take a right instead of a left?) but it provides me with a giant sense of relief. Do you know what it feels like to go through life rarely being surprised? The person who you think is going to hurt you ends up leaving you alone at three in the morning. The person who will never understand your jokes or passions turns out to be a stranger forever. You sleep with them, go out to dinners, and even run away to a bed and breakfast on a long weekend, all in hopes that they’ll start to make sense to you one day. But they never do. They just get more and more foreign each day. Experiences don’t always breed intimacy. Sometimes they just make the distance more apparent.

I want to know how your weekend was (I never want to know these types of things but you’re the exception to all my rules) and I want to know how you got that scar on your knee (biking accident when you were twelve? Tell me more! This story is more riveting than The Hunger Games!) and I want to know about your mom and dad (Are they assholes? No matter! We’ll start our own family!) I want to protect you. I want to preserve your innocence and drink it up for myself. You learn from me and I’ll learn from you. Deal?

You’ll open me up like an orange, leaving a mess of pulp and sticky peels everywhere. Certain parts of my personality will be extracted and I’ll find myself feeling stuff I never knew was possible. It’s strange to think how many things we’re capable of without really knowing it until we have a proper catalyst — something or someone to bring it to the surface. Dig, dig, dig. No, you might to dig a little deeper. I have a lot of crap sticking on top of the good stuff.

In order for all of this to work though, you have to let me know you. You have to let me cut you open and trust that I won’t accidentally hit a nerve. You have to accept me for my shortcomings and understand that you’re a better person than I am. I’m a little rotten. Please don’t let that deter you though. Because when I look you, I see someone who makes sense. I see an anomaly — someone who’s untouched by all of the modern inventions and hang ups. I see someone I want to know

There’s just something about being single.

It’s a bittersweet kind of deal. Some days we’re on top of the world with independence and self sufficiency and other days we just want someone to have late night conversations with and to tell us they liked how we looked that day. The simple truth is, most every girl just doesn’t want to end up alone; but the second truth is that we will actually never end up alone. God loves us more than we can ever possibly imagine. But it’s not the hold me tight kind of love. It’s the kind of love that will outlast the world and all of our years spent on earth. It feels so strange to think that someone or something we have never met or physically seen could love us more any kind of earthly love we could experience. God will equally love us until the end of our days and up in that lovely little place we call Heaven. His love is infinity plus one times better than any form of love we feel from a significant other. Although, if our hearts yearn for the hold me tight kind of love, God will fulfill our hearts when the time is completely perfect for us. Currently single? Don’t get down. God has someone for you. That person is alive and living somewhere in this world. They may not be ready for you yet and you may not be ready for them. Just know that your time will come. Patience is key. Keep your head up, your heart strong, and your mind set on God. “Sometimes, we’re too concerned with finding the right person, I think that in our single years God is making us the right person for someone. Don’t forget, God loves your future spouse too. He has that person’s best interests at heart too, and character is so valuable in God’s eyes. So don’t let yourself ever despise your single years, God is doing a mighty work in you. Believe that.”